13 Celebrities in Need of a Career Overhaul

Jessica Simpson talks about her life, career, weight, father dad, boyfriend Tony Romo, and other (yawn) fascinating things in a wordy cover story profile -- The Jessica Simpson Question -- in this month's Vanity Fair.

She talked to the writer -- Rich Cohen -- over two glasses of wine, never a good idea. But unfortunately, nothing she says is particularly boozy, revealing or vaguely interesting.

Which other celebs are stalled, sputtering, switching gears or just plain out of gas?

SCARLETT JOHANSSON



Scarlett Johansson now knows that being Woody Allen's muse is not the key to big Hollywood success. Especially since Penelope Cruz got all the darn kudos for "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." Watch Scarlett wise up and flex her Angelina Jolie movie-making muscles in "Ironman." Hey, she's already got the boobs and the lips.

BRITNEY SPEARS



Sure she's got perfume lines and other stuff. But seriously, how long can Britney Spears stay on tour? For the rest of her life? When will her "Circus" land permanently in Las Vegas?

LISA RINNA



Rumor is that Lisa Rinna may lose her $3 million gig hosting TV Guide's red carpet shows. And she didn't get a return role in the new "Melrose Place," despite her desperate traffic-jam publicity stunt ...

What's next, a line of Lisa Rinna lip plumpers? She can always keep shooting Playboy spreads to help sell her exercise videos.

LINDSAY LOHAN



Lindsay Lohan's film career is kaput. She didn't last long on "Ugly Betty." That comeback album she's been working on with Samantha Ronson is still MIA. Now she's launched a line of self-tanners. Can Infomercials be far behind? We'd like to suggest a line of rehabs.

AVRIL LAVIGNE



Avril Lavigne's music career seems to be cooling off on the back burner. Isn't time for our little Punkette to grow up and start giving her fans more than just the finger?

BRITTANY MURPHY



Brittany Murphy was once Hollywood's fresh-faced romantic comedy cutie pie. For about a week. Then she quit the biz, then she came back. So what's she done lately? Other than getting her lips plumped up and false eyelashes applied, we mean.

DENISE RICHARDS



Denise Richard's career is well, "It's Complicated." She never really had a big time film or TV career. She was a Bond Girl, for what's worth. Then she got married to Charlie Sheen and we all know how that ended. The new season of her reality show is starting up again on June 7. We can hardly wait to hear that lyrical hyena laugh.

HEIDI & SPENCER



Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, two of the most annoying people on the planet, have over-marketed themselves to the point that no glossy mags wanted to buy exclusive photos of their recent MTV "The Hills" publicity stunt, er, wedding. What's next, Heidi's birth videos? Anyone?

SARAH JESSICA PARKER



Sarah Jessica Parker should ride the SATC horse as long as she can. But do us a favor, SJP. No more big-screen kissing scenes. This face in High Def close up is truly frightening. Even without that MIA mole.

JENNIFER ANISTON



Jennifer Aniston is still milking the romantic comedy teat with her new film, "The Baster" (with Jason Bateman and Juliette Lewis) about a woman who becomes a single mom via artificial insemination. Let's be blunt. We don't see Aniston ever being nominated for an Oscar. Make the Rom Com money while you can, honey.

ANGELINA JOLIE



Angelina Jolie's last two serious films, "A Mighty Heart" and "Changeling," didn't fare well at the box office or get any big prestigious awards. So she's back to her action suspense "Lara Croft" drill in "Salt. Are we tired of this act yet? Kinda.

CAMERON DIAZ



Cameron Diaz is getting up there and can't keep relying on shaking her booty. Even though it's still pretty darn perky. Her next film, "My Sister's Keeper," -– about a dying child -- may be her dramatic breakthrough role. Or it may just suck. Hey, there's always "Shrek 7: Assisted Living."

I'm disturbed by the lack of men on this list, but otherwise agree with most. However, Heidi & Spencer don't need a career overhaul, they just need to GTFO. They have no career to overhaul.

To everyone asking, the gif is from Jessica Simpson's "I Belong to Me" video, which can be viewed for lulz here.

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